How perfectionism affects leadership?

“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

A few years back, I decided to make positive changes in my life. I began examining some of my characteristic traits. This led to a discovery of many characteristics that I possessed – some, not so great! Now I know they are traits of a perfectionist and can have a significant impact on my life – personal and professional.

These characteristics startled me because of my obliviousness for years.
As a leadership coach, I coach clients who struggle with perfectionism traits. Many boast about being a perfectionist but sadly it is not an optimistic trait.

But what is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is the inclination towards dissatisfaction over any kind of achievement that is not perceived by the person as mere perfect. Many perfectionists are high achievers who may hold leadership positions. Setting a very high bar for themselves leads to dissatisfaction in things they do in their personal and professional lives.

So, what is wrong with being a perfectionist leader?

They tend to have the following traits:

1. Micromanaging:
A good leader delegates work as much as they can. A perfectionist leader does not give room for their employees to grow and think. They muddle in the everyday task of their employees to an extent that the employees lose their motivation.

2. Dissatisfaction from unrealistic expectations:
A perfectionist leader is focused on the results to a point that the emotional well-being of the employees and colleagues takes a back seat. This behavior can lead to high criticism and exhaustion, making the leader work overtime to compensate for what they think is less than perfect. Leadership is dichotomous. Leadership comes with the two responsibilities of achieving goals while leading with empathy. A perfectionist leader can lean towards achieving goals to an extent that the employees may be ignored.

3. The right way and the only way!
A perfectionist leader may insist on their way to different projects. The employees or any team member working with these types of leaders may find it difficult due to the black and white proposals and suggestions the leader may have that can lead to constant frustration and disappointment.

4. Avoidance:
Avoidance is another significant characteristic trait in a perfectionist leader. If they feel they cannot achieve the very high standard that they have in their minds, they would rather not attempt at all. This is because failure is seen as detrimental and devastating.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development. Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2021 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

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How to develop your communication skills?

Don’t use words too big for the subject. Don’t say infinitely when you mean very; otherwise, you’ll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite. – C.S. Lewis

Most of my posts are prompted by conversations with my clients through coaching. The need to write about an issue is compelling when it begins to bother me for days. Lately, conversing with more analytical people expressed their desire to enhance their emotional intelligence and subsequently their soft skills. The truth is there is nothing ‘soft’ about soft skills.

These are skills that need to be learned and nourished throughout your lifetime.

In the midst of it all, my eye caught the quote above from C.S. Lewis. Being from the academic world, C.S. Lewis probably realized the importance of simple communication even in his time. A little bit of research on the genius revealed that he was a master when it came to communication. A very simple suggestion caught my attention; the responsibility of both the speaker and the listener! Who would have thought communication comes with responsibility! Lewis suggests that the speaker must convey the message with clarity and accuracy and the receiver must listen and interpret it accordingly. This exchange is crucial when it comes to communication.

A story that I came across while researching Lewis is that Lewis’ father was a poor communicator and once had gone through Lewis’ private notes without his permission, an action that could have easily been avoided if he had communicated with his son about the concerns he had. This act led to Lewis not trusting his father and meticulously clearing his pockets before he entered his home.

A great lesson that can be taken from Lewis’s story, is that many unwanted incidents that happen in organizations can be avoided with effective communication.

  • Although many managerial roles are required to have a proper flow of communication if the meetings are not done effectively, it becomes a futile and uneconomical use of time.
  • Most of us do not communicate for others to understand but for us to simply speak, we forget that the words we spoke must be useful in the sense that the addressee understands the message, even in an organizational setting.
  • This means when we make presentations or have meetings the content must be easily understandable to the people it is intended for. The use of fancy language to impress the crowd must be avoided as let us be honest they will not be impressed if they do not understand.

What impact can effective communication have on the employees?

  • Saves time and cost: Many organizations conduct meeting upon meetings but if the communication has not been effective, where there was responsibility by both parties to convey the message effectively and active listening by the listener, then the time used for this has been futile.
  • Most organizations communicate to achieve their goal or action plan. Effective communication helps reach the goal faster through a better relationship between team members and monitoring misunderstanding of the message.
  • Inclusiveness through effective communication also makes the employees feel engaged thus boosting morale and satisfaction.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development. Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2021 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

Activating a new level of confidence or building leadership skills for a promotion in your organization does not have to be complicated or overwhelming. Sign up for this coaching program to improve your self-confidence and leadership skills.

Confidence and Leadership Coaching

You will learn a lot about yourself and how you work around people. Your newfound awareness will help increase self-expression that will help you get noticed by others.

Not sure coaching is for you, sign up for the Emotional Intelligence assessment 2.0

 

 

How to know if you are a good leader?

“A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.” —Lao Tzu

There is an old saying that Leaders are born, but are they? Can leadership skills be learned? Yes, most definitely!

Although leadership skills include a multitude of tools and habits, the most desirable factor in a leader is humility. Many managers and directors in various organizations fail terribly in their roles because of poor leadership skills, even when they are good at technical skills. According to The Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) employee turnover due to bad company culture is estimated to be around $223 billion.

Organizations are jam-packed with leaders, some of whom may be doubtful about their leadership skills. This is a fear I have seen in many people since I started coaching. The most common question I am asked as a career and leadership coach is ‘How to be a good leader?’

Although a short and sweet question, the answer may not be so simple. What I have learned through coaching is that leadership is developed over time through self-awareness and social awareness, in other words, by increasing your Emotional Intelligence. Intensive individual coaching that ties the personality traits to the skills required in the particular can help in developing one’s leadership skills. We all know that managing people is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Learning more about your behavior makes leading people easier. The books that we read, the courses that we enroll in are all good tools that add value to this self-awareness.

Here are a few other attributes a leader would possess:

1. The greater good:
A leader will not seek immediate pleasure but foresee communal excellence and results in any situation.

2. The go-to person:
If you have been the go-to person professionally and even in your personal life, there is a chance that you are a good listener and provide empathy to the person seeking your advice.

3. Inspiration and a role model:
If you notice that people are in awe of your achievements and a source of guidance, then these are signs that you have strong leadership skills.

4. Standing your ground:
You stand your ground even in trying times. People around you notice your values and principles even if they may not address them. Repeated behavior pattern makes you be seen as a person of standards.

5. Fair and square:
A leader makes fair decisions on any matter. Your goal is achieved ethically and your decisions are morally right.

6. Show gratitude and respect:
As a leader, you show gratitude to your employees. For example, you may give them focused appraisal or appreciation for their efforts on a certain project instead of a vague ‘good job’.

7. Expert in the field:
A good leader in the organization is an expert in his field and shows a lot of passion in his work and proficiency in managing people.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development. Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2021 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

Activating a new level of confidence or building leadership skills for a promotion in your organization does not have to be complicated or overwhelming. Sign up for this coaching program to improve your self-confidence and leadership skills.

Confidence and Leadership Coaching

You will learn a lot about yourself and how you work around people. Your newfound awareness will help increase self-expression that will help you get noticed by others.

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What is self-esteem and self-confidence?

“I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence.” ― Frederick Douglass

Self-confidence and self-esteem are two concepts that are used interchangeably but they are two different things.

A person with high self-confidence and low self-esteem may have experience performing the task multiple times that helped in building their self-confidence. They may also be good at performing various tasks pertaining to a project. On the contrary, a person with low self-confidence and high self-esteem will focus more on their personal ability to deliver their strengths even when placed in a team.

High self-confidence with low self-esteem

Self-confidence is easier to detect in a person because it is detected mostly by one’s outer appearance. For example, my client, John (not the real name) a Vice President of a company is very comfortable sharing his success and achievements on social media. He is happy to confidently commit to projects and deliver them successfully on time. He also gets the help of his team when needed without any hesitation. But he feels empty inside and not worth the life he has. His insecurities are shown by his constant need to please the people around him, especially his friends and relatives. He struggles to say No, even when he wants to because he worries it will result in the other person not wanting to spend time with him or valuing him anymore.

High self-esteem with low self-confidence

High self-esteem can usually be evaluated through assessments or coaching. I would like to give the example of another client here. My client, Simon (not the real name) a Physician has very healthy lifestyle habits. He is comfortable saying No when he feels like it. He bounces back from days that go bad with difficult patients. He accepts his limitations. He also appreciates the blessings in his life like his family, friends, house, etc. But he is not confident enough to take big risks in life. He is afraid he would go wrong if he would make big changes in his life. He tries to carry a heavy burden that could possibly be too much for him just because he is afraid to ask for help.

How people with low self-esteem behave in general?

The following are some of the symptoms that I have encountered in people:

  • They work to a point of exhaustion to feel worthy and to avoid social gatherings and other engagements. Some choose to do too many social engagements to avoid their personal life and reality.
  • Some are indecisive due to the lack of self-worth. They may not value their own opinion and ask others for even small decisions.
  • They need frequent compliments from others but may often take the compliments in the wrong way.
  • Jealousy is a result of a lack of self-esteem that may arise from growing up in a household with other siblings getting more attention.

How people with low self-confidence behave in general?

The following are some of the symptoms that I have encountered in people:

  • They may not trust themselves much to do bigger tasks or take greater risks as they worry that they may go wrong. This could be due to a lack of experience in their field too.
  • They may not be very flexible as they find it difficult to adapt to new situations and circumstances.
  • They may continue to work in the same job/role for years even when they know it is time to look for a new role due to fear of change.
  • They are afraid of committing to anything, sometimes even relationships.

A higher level of self-esteem and self-confidence can boost our chances of success in an organizational setting and life in general. This leads to better handling of difficult situations and better communication skills that yield higher productivity. After all, the better you feel about yourself, the less you feel the need to show off.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

Activating a new level of confidence or building leadership skills for a promotion in your organization does not have to be complicated or overwhelming. Sign up for this coaching program to improve your self-confidence and leadership skills.

Confidence and Leadership Coaching

You will learn a lot about yourself and how you work around people. Your newfound awareness will help increase self-expression that will help you get noticed by others.

Not sure coaching is for you, sign up for the Emotional Intelligence assessment 2.0

Can you be too feminine to be a feminist?

I have always loved being feminine and still do. As a young girl, a trip to the make-up store made me feel like a kid in a candy store, and honestly, it still does. I cherished wearing skirts, dresses, and heels. (I still do!)

Feminine Feminist!
But a while back, when I decided to become a coach, I encountered resistance in my mind on how I can be feminine and be professional at the same time. I remember wearing only suits in my corporate job in London just to be taken seriously. I would refrain from the term ‘feminism’ up until a few years back. As I became more vocal to my friends and family about my views on feminism, and how I have embraced equality and women’s rights, I was questioned by a few on why I am too feminine for a feminist! I was appalled by the obliviousness of the viewpoint that many of my friends and family members had. I quickly realized that I had the same reservations on the notion of being a feminine feminist. This push and pull were nothing but internalized sexism.

What is internalized sexism?
Girls are mostly brought up to think about femininity a certain way. Too much is harmful but too little is detrimental. In some societies, very little femininity in a woman can lead to catastrophic personal lives. So, what is the right amount? The woman usually has to decide the right amount of femininity according to her circumstances, culture, the country she lives in, and the profession she picks. That seems like hard work to me. I have lived in multiple countries and it all makes sense that I was so confused as to how and to what ratio I must pick my femininity. I had probably unconsciously adjusted my ratio depending on my circumstance which led to internal sexism. I was guilty when my feminine side turned up at the workplace and equally remorseful when I didn’t show enough of my feminine side when I was with family and friends.

Why men and women equally condemn feminists who dress up?
A little bit of research suggested that women who dress up are considered to be victims of patriarchy and a follower of a man’s desire of how a woman should be. I was surprised that the idea that a woman could just get dressed for herself was not appreciated or welcomed. I also learned very quickly from my research how much the word feminism is hated. How some feminist women can be appalled by femininity in a feminist. Doesn’t that disregard the whole idea of feminism when feminism means global gender equality. It stands for the freedom of just being who you are without being judged and oppressed by another group of people. Then why do some feel the need to distance themselves from the bra-burning, man-hating movement at the mere mention of the word feminism?

This begs the question, isn’t Feminism contextual to many who oppose it?
True Feminism is the mere equality of both genders, recognizing the voice and the dynamics of both the genders and what each group brings to the table. I am still baffled by the question I have been asked by a few, “What does Feminism mean to you?” In my humble opinion, there is only one meaning to it and it is bizarre to have a different meaning to this word in this day and age. But thinking deeply about this issue made me realize that the word ‘Feminism’ is still very confusing to many as in the past. When the movement started, it meant all the power to women. Now, it is true that the origin of the movement was for power for women but looking at the zeitgeist of the time, we must realize that the movement was formed as a result of an imbalance in power to women. It was a necessity at the time to highlight the fact that women were not given equal opportunities that men had.

This made me realize that masculinity and femininity have nothing to do with Feminism. I have met many men and women equally who I admire who call themselves proud feminists. My love for my feminine side only adds to my personality who has embraced Feminism. But interrogating my feministic views due to my female attributes can make one a questionable Feminist!

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

Activating a new level of confidence or building leadership skills for a promotion in your organization does not have to be complicated or overwhelming. Sign up for this coaching program to improve your self-confidence and leadership skills.

Confidence and Leadership Coaching

You will learn a lot about yourself and how you work around people. Your newfound awareness will help increase self-expression that will help you get noticed by others.

Not sure coaching is for you, sign up for the Emotional Intelligence assessment 2.0

Why does emotional intelligence matter?

When I tell people, I have a background in organizational psychology, they tell me “Oh so you are not a therapist, you don’t deal with people?” I then consider it my civic duty to remind them that organizations are made of people. It is the people that form an organization, its culture, values, communication pattern, and everything about it.

Emotional intelligence is a hot topic today and many organizations are embracing its importance. I have met a lot of people in the real and online world wanting to ‘increase’ their emotional intelligence. Before I say anything more, I would like to define emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of when you bring out your emotions and realize how your emotions affect others. A person with higher emotional intelligence in the overall score can recognize the feeling and perceptions of others that will help manage their emotions accordingly.

What is fascinating about emotional intelligence is that it can be modified unlike your IQ and don’t worry, increasing your EQ will not lower your IQ. Phew!

As a coach, I have stumbled upon this issue where people are good at their job and they get promoted to Directorial and VP level but fail to perform as effectively as a leader thereafter. This is when they are in the limelight of the CEOs and their employees. A person in this position can become vulnerable if their emotional intelligence is considerably low, even if their IQ is very high. If they have been using the left side of their brain, which is the logical and analytical side their whole life, then it is possible that the emotional intelligence score may be low and they are struggling in their job despite being promoted.

I have seen many articles online on how to increase your emotional intelligence. Whilst these are great resources, and there is nothing wrong per se with the information provided, it is difficult for a person who has none to little knowledge on EQ to act upon this information and be consistent. They will relapse to their old self because of a lack of self-awareness to modify their personality. Needless to say, increasing your composite scales of EQ may not always be a good idea. It all depends on your personality traits, what you do for a living, and numerous other factors that constitute you as a person. If the materials you read online and tests you take are not statistically valid and reliable without anyone to interpret your data, it may lead to confusion and sheer misperception.

Why should we care about our EQ?   

Let’s say Nancy (not real name) has a high IQ but barely waits for her turn to speak, outbursts her feelings and opinions instead of listening for clarity in the conversation. She has an urge to react instead of responding gently to a conflict. What is important for her is that her opinion is put out for people. This shows a lack of self-awareness on how she is behaving in a social setting and a severe blind spot in her self-awareness. People who converse with her may avoid her in meetings and other social settings. Some may praise her tremendously so she avoids conflict with them. Nancy’s lack of self-awareness may lead to her falling for these fake praises. But if we look at this scenario from Nancy’s perspective, she is unaware that she is doing anything wrong and may even wonder at times why people avoid her.

Nancy is not alone. Many white-collared professionals in their workplace setting may not understand how to lead a team or why their team members do not respect their leadership. Many of us have blind spots that we could fine-tune. Nancy’s is an example of low self-awareness. Others may have a low or very high flexibility that has affects their professional and personal life. I have spoken to many clients in the corporate setting who came to me not knowing how to respond to people’s comments or behavior. Waiting too long with issues at the workplace and your lack of enthusiasm to get professional help can lead to making things harder than it is or you just losing everything that you have worked hard for.

People hesitate to get help for various reasons. But not reaching out for help at the right time can have consequences on your leadership, team impact, and overall presence in the workplace. People who have a vision know when to invest in themselves wisely.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

Activating a new level of confidence or building leadership skills for a promotion in your organization does not have to be complicated or overwhelming. Sign up for this coaching program to improve your self-confidence and leadership skills.

Confidence and Leadership Coaching

You will learn a lot about yourself and how you work around people. Your newfound awareness will help increase self-expression that will help you get noticed by others.

Not sure coaching is for you, sign up for the Emotional Intelligence assessment 2.0

How to be a good leader?

As a coach, I am asked the question “How to be a good leader?” far too many times. I wish there was a ‘one size fits all’ answer to this question. The reality is that leadership is not an entity one can grow into overnight. So, what is the best approach to developing leadership skills?

There is an old notion in most people’s minds that a leader is always authoritative, demanding, and imposing with a lot of charisma sprinkling around them. Self-esteem and self-confidence were rated highly in the past as a requirement of a true leader. The truth is that the latest research shows otherwise. The most desirable factor in a leader is humility. A good leader is relatable, approachable, and a good role model.

So, let us examine how humility leads to good leadership.

Humility weakens the inflated view of people about themselves that can diversely affect the judgment or a decision as a leader. Overconfidence and a ‘know it all’ demeanor may not affect the quality of leadership initially but as time passes, the leadership will be questioned. Failure to correct oneself or change the way they think and the inability to listen to others before making a decision are all signs of low humility. A higher level of humility among members can encourage group discussions and create a dynamic work environment, where ego and self-worth do not come in the way of decision-making.

How are humility, confidence, and good leadership related?

A confident leader considers the viewpoints and opinions of others on a project or an issue at the workplace. This kind of confidence requires humility on the part of the leader. A leader whose performance is high is curious and is engaged in what their employees have to say. Latest research show that a leader’s knowledge is not questioned if the leader asks questions while engaging with the employees. But on the other hand, if the leader creates an illusion of knowledge and technical skill, employees question their authenticity.

But how easy is it for employees to express themselves if the leaders ask for their opinion?

This is only possible if the leaders have created an environment of trust and a safe space. The employee will only like the spotlight if they feel valued and what they have to say matters to the leaders. If the attention they receive creates gigantic fear and embarrassment, they would rather remain quiet. A good leader realizes that it is important for the team to feel a sense of belonging and what they contribute to the team matters. The mindset of a good leader is very crucial. High-performance leaders will be happy to learn from their past mistakes and are also good problem solvers. A desire to learn from others and find solutions to problems through this knowledge is only possible if leaders practice humility in their lives.

Some of the leaders who we admire today or have admired in the past are usually high in their humility. They are happy to give their attention to others and learn things that they had no knowledge of. They listen and engage in conversations with an unbiased approach that leads to better decision-making.

If you would like to learn more about your strengths and cultivate your leadership skills or any particular skill that you feel you could improve on, it is best to reach out to a professional and make the best use of their expertise rather than suffer in silence. You have a better chance at success if you reach out for help and make changes rather than do nothing at all.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

Activating a new level of confidence or building leadership skills for a promotion in your organization does not have to be complicated or overwhelming. Sign up for this coaching program to improve your self-confidence and leadership skills.

Confidence and Leadership Coaching

You will learn a lot about yourself and how you work around people. Your newfound awareness will help increase self-expression that will help you get noticed by others.

Not sure coaching is for you, sign up for the Emotional Intelligence assessment 2.0

 

How to deal with self-doubt and criticism?

“I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” — Maya Angelou

My posts are usually inspired by the coaching sessions I have with clients or moments in my life that compels me to stop, think, and analyze. Being a career and mindset coach, I have coached corporate employees, business owners, or leaders in their own right who are well educated and fairly successful in their field.

 But a few weeks back, I saw a pattern in my clients that made me halt and pause for a few seconds. Some of the things that my clients told me prompted this post.

 “What if people find out I am educated but have no clue what I am doing?”

 “I have a Ph.D. but really don’t think I have enough knowledge.”

 “I may look like I know stuff, but I really am not that confident.”

 “I am not as educated and I only have years of experience, that makes me feel vulnerable in front of my colleagues.”

 You can probably guess where I am going with this. Yes, it is imposter syndrome. If Albert Einstein, Maya Angelou, and the like can feel like a swindler because of their success and the recognition they received because of their success, then so can many of us. Imposter syndrome makes a person feel like a fraud even when they have proven to be high achievers. It worsens if the people around you induce it by questioning your work or knowledge. The moment of vulnerability can trigger more self-doubt and lead to a lack of confidence that can affect the way you behave in a work environment.

 A client of mine, let us call her Rose, a director-level employee with a Master’s degree in a corporate office, would feel petrified when she is questioned about her work or any project she is on, especially if her work is altered by her boss. She would think she is caught red-handed as a fraud. She would assume she is put on the spot because of her lack of knowledge and experience. Rose was relieved to know that this feeling has a name and that many feel the same way.

 The simple truth is we will never have a comprehensive knowledge of any discipline. We, humans, evolve, and learn. We must train our minds to learn and unlearn. It is also true that we are naturally good at some things. For me, it is consulting and coaching. I have always been contacted many times in my life, way before I have been a coach by my friends when they were feeling down or had a dilemma they needed to discuss.

I started my entrepreneurship with immense apprehension, even after my psychology training and coaching certification. It took me a while to realize that coaching comes naturally for me because I had it in me all the time. I undervalued my ‘gift’ initially. I am using minimal energy and effort to do this job because this is easier for me to execute. It goes back to the law of parsimony, also known as Occam’s razor, that states that the simplest form of explanation must be executed as opposed to a complex form.

 Subsequently, in my client Rose’s case, if her boss alters her work, isn’t it best to use the simplest explanation possible which could be that a change was needed to fit the project goals better unless otherwise mentioned by her boss?

 Could we not eliminate all other possibilities such as…

 -Rose has less knowledge

 -Rose lacks experience

 -Rose lacks confidence

 -Rose is a fraud and the list goes on…

 Now, it is important to note that avoiding an issue that is dwelling in our minds is not the best solution to our problems. If Rose still feels like an imposter, it is important that she addresses it. The first step is to admit what it is called and why. The second would be to accept that this happens to the best of us including CEOs and Presidents.

 Next, stop and think about your proficiencies, achievements, and how you have successfully overcome situations like these in the past.

 What strategies did you implement?

 Which of your strengths were used?

 It is a fact that we may come across imposter syndrome in the future but it is important to acknowledge it for what it is – a syndrome. If you wait to be perfect in your knowledge and skills, you may never start. We increase our knowledge, skills, and experience along the way in our journey of personal growth.

 It is completely normal to experience doubts. What is important is to navigate these doubts and train your mind to reflect a positive thought by focusing on your area of expertise. The imposter feeling may linger around or may come and go but it is important to not let it control your life. It is helpful to get help from an expert to help you dig into these feelings and discover where this is coming from.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

Activating a new level of confidence or building leadership skills for a promotion in your organization does not have to be complicated or overwhelming. Sign up for this coaching program to improve your self-confidence and leadership skills.

Confidence and Leadership Coaching

You will learn a lot about yourself and how you work around people. Your newfound awareness will help increase self-expression that will help you get noticed by others.

Not sure coaching is for you, sign up for the Emotional Intelligence assessment 2.0

What causes fear of success and how do you overcome it?

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” — Barack Obama

One of the many things that I learned from my clients since I started coaching is about the concept of fear for success. It all started with questions from my clients,

“What if my family sees what I am doing on social media?”

“What if my friends come to know about my business and judge me?”

“What if this actually takes off?”

“I don’t think I am ready for such a huge change in my life!”

The above questions are from some of my clients who in hindsight did not know they feared success. I have learned to listen with a different cognizance and understand where the client is coming from, not just what they were saying. The above questions do not exhibit fear of success itself but the consequence of success. The fear of how these clients will be perceived by their friends and family, the fear of not being on the same wavelength as their loved ones, maybe even the fear of losing some of these loved ones because of a change in their personality.

What causes fear of success?

Fear can come from many things including parental influences. It can be internalized due to lack of a parent in the household, due to a father being highly cynical of the child, an overcontrolling mother who likes to make every single decision for the child even into their adult lives can all be causes for not pursuing success and a growth mindset.

I have been obsessed with Freud’s psychoanalytic theory of personality which talks about the idea that we as humans hide away our unpleasant experience as a child that may masquerade into our adulthood as unpleasant thoughts and emotions. This may affect our ability to face others in the real world. Some may find it hard to attend fancy work dinners, some may find it difficult to approach and profess their love, some fear that others will find out about their lack of confidence.

Perfectionism is another cause of fear of success. A perfectionist is usually a high goal achiever. If a perfectionist feels the goal is not attainable, they would choose to avoid the goal rather than pursue it due to fear of failing. It is important for them to take small steps to achieve the goal to reduce the fear of failing.

Disbelievers are people who believe they do not fear anything or they do not need help. They are probably the most skeptical of the lot who are adamant about the idea that something is not possible and hence an idea should not be pursued. This group of people will benefit highly from coaching even though it is a rare occurrence that they accept the idea of coaching. They are usually pushed to coaching by their spouse or superior.

The steps in overcoming fear of success:

Change is not easy. Personal development sometimes comes at the price of losing your old friends who do not share your mindset and values. When people decide on a change in their life, they usually have to get out of their comfort zone into an extremely frightening and startling state of affairs. This is a time when they get affected by people’s opinions and thoughts. It is also important to understand that being a beginner at this newfound change, people may take advantage, which is why it is important to pick your players wisely. Over time, you will realize your desire for what matters and gravitate towards it. But what is important is to keep going even when the path seems bleak. When I started my journey as an entrepreneur, I had reservations and qualms about the success of my coaching practice. The one thing that kept me going was my immense passion for helping people through coaching, writing, and the knowledge I had acquired because of my passion through reading and research.

The learning zone succeeds the fear zone. This does not mean your fear completely disappears. The learning zone comes with new challenges and problems. Over time, you will realize that no matter how much skill and training you have acquired, the real-life challenges are unique to each individual and the solutions to these problems are also inimitable to those challenges our peers may have faced. It is imperative that you navigate your classroom training and learning to adapt to the real world. You will also learn that the journey towards success has its ups and downs and hence you may experience an emotional roller coaster ride.

The passion and love for your goal make the journey so much easier. Your goal is unique to you and hence only you can feel the immense fire inside you. It may be disappointing at times to feel that others in your life do not feel the same enlightenment. Once we have dominated this path through perseverance and grit, your life purpose is clearer and you find it easier to conquer the objectives that you set to achieve. You will have solid set goals and will be in pursuit of living your dream lives. Retraining your brain to be aware of your unconscious thoughts and feelings is not easy and one may need to get professional help to achieve this. Avoidance is a dangerous thing that can get in the way of your success if you have issues that need to be sorted out. Pretending that everything is fine and going on about your lives, may not be a good solution to your problems.

If you can resonate with any of the information said above, please do not suffer in silence with it. Please get help. If you feel you would like to learn more about yourself or improve your personal and professional life, please book an intro session with me. I look forward to helping with your personality development and get you the success you need in your personal and professional life.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. https://hamnasiddique.com/| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

Activating a new level of confidence or building leadership skills for a promotion in your organization does not have to be complicated or overwhelming. Sign up for this coaching program to improve your self-confidence and leadership skills. https://hamnasiddique.com/products/emotional-intelligence-testing-eq-i-2-0-2-2/

You will learn a lot about yourself and how you work around people. Your newfound awareness will help increase self-expression that will help you get noticed by others.

Not sure coaching is for you, sign up for the Emotional Intelligence assessment 2.0

Where can physicians go for help?

“In the two decades since starting at medical school, I have never heard the word ‘identity’ spoken. Grand rounds, the very heartbeat of medical learning, are not a place for philosophical musings or profound emotional questions. Diagnostic labels gathered there speak more to the patient and less to the person. We talk about loss of blood and loss of lung function but we do not contemplate the loss of person and the loss of self.”
― Jules Montague, Lost and Found: Memory, Identity and Who We Become When We’re No Longer Ourselves.

Being married to a physician, who is also a son of a physician; having helped him transition to private practice, and being around physicians as close friends for years, I have learned a lot about them. I understand the magnitude of stress and burnout they face in their professional and personal lives. Looking back through our lives, many of us will remember at least one moment when we experienced their healing touch.

But where do doctors go when they need emotional or professional support? After an exhaustive search on how and where physicians can get help, I was a little surprised as to how little resources there are for physicians struggling with stress, anxiety, and/or burnout. I realize that physicians often choose not to get help for their emotional problems or challenges with their personal and professional lives. Physician healing thyself seems to be a popular theme and self-help apparently, is truly the best help for these professionals. Despite having good healthcare insurance and the knowledge to access it, they often put their physical and emotional needs on the backburner, always prioritizing the needs of their patients and families above their own. I have many friends who are physicians who have barely done an annual physical. This precedence for patient well-being may even sabotage their emotional well-being.

There are several factors that make a physician aground in today’s world. An exhaustive need for comprehensive record-keeping and administrative work superimposed on ever-increasing numbers of patient encounters and procedures push the physician to the limits. HIPAA compliance and patient satisfaction are another significant causes of stress. In this digital age, the stress of a patient adversely reviewing their practice online can have substantial negative effects. All these factors may be discordant with their “why” of being a physician who took an oath to save lives and make a positive impact in the world. It is probably heart-breaking for some who feel they are being dragged into this morass of revenue generation and bureaucracy, overlooking the raison d’être of why they started this journey in the first place.

The notion that physicians must be the experts and the end-all leads to a self-sabotaging culture. Physicians are simply humans who can experience self-doubt, anxiety, depression, burnout, and may struggle to juggle their personal and professional lives. It is unreasonable to expect them to live a seamless, whole life without predicaments. The challenges of the American healthcare system have led to criticism of physicians and their integrity. They are not seen as protagonists as in years past, especially if the patients had an unpleasant experience with the healthcare system during their time of need or illness.

On many occasions during this pandemic, I have been contacted by physicians pouring their hearts out about their struggles. I have learned through research and networking with my peers that physicians are not a regular clientele for many. I am still perplexed as to the cause of this hesitation among physicians to get help and follow through with getting help. I have had senior physicians and surgeons as well as residents in training who are lacking motivation and having self-doubts about their choice of profession or struggling to cope with their demanding residency program requirements. Perceived lack of time is a common excuse although research clearly shows that this may not be the case.

How can I help physicians? I can help rekindle the fire you once had for your profession. If you are a resident, I understand how demanding the program usually is. I can help you critically analyze your needs and enhance your performance acquiring the skills to cope and exceed the demands of your program.

If you are an established attending physician, I can help you prioritize your management decision(s), optimize time management, and handling your emotional needs better. I can help create better relationships with your physician and non-physician colleagues. I can help improve your rapport with your technical staff, administration, and nurses to help function smoothly. We, as humans, have blind spots where we do not see our failings and flaws, but we know how dangerous blind spots can be and how they can affect our goal of reaching our destination. We must evolve as humans and being obstinate in your ways and conduct can be a hindrance to your development.

The first step towards your personal development is acceptance. Accepting the fact that everyone needs help at different points in life and that we do not have all the answers to all our problems. Accepting that we all have self-doubts, moments of fear, and sometimes, just simply bad days. Coaching is not as time-consuming as most people think. Even as little as two 45-minute sessions a month can bring amazing results on how you manage your stress and live a happier, more balanced life. My coaching sessions are tailor-made to fit professionals who are busy, and I offer flexible sessions to work around your schedules.

I would suggest all physicians to consider prioritizing their emotional and physical health and get back to your “why”.

I am happy to help. All you have to do is reach out and commit. As the saying goes, the graveyard is everyman’s resting place, isn’t it wise to live your life to the fullest before we rest, even if you are a physician?

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. https://hamnasiddique.com/| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

Activating a new level of confidence or building leadership skills for a promotion in your organization does not have to be complicated or overwhelming. Sign up for this coaching program to improve your self-confidence and leadership skills. https://hamnasiddique.com/products/emotional-intelligence-testing-eq-i-2-0-2-2/

You will learn a lot about yourself and how you work around people. Your newfound awareness will help increase self-expression that will help you get noticed by others.

Not sure coaching is for you, sign up for the Emotional Intelligence assessment 2.0