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Can you be too feminine to be a feminist?

I have always loved being feminine and still do. As a young girl, a trip to the make-up store made me feel like a kid in a candy store, and honestly, it still does. I cherished wearing skirts, dresses, and heels. (I still do!)

Feminine Feminist!
But a while back, when I decided to become a coach, I encountered resistance in my mind on how I can be feminine and be professional at the same time. I remember wearing only suits in my corporate job in London just to be taken seriously. I would refrain from the term ‘feminism’ up until a few years back. As I became more vocal to my friends and family about my views on feminism, and how I have embraced equality and women’s rights, I was questioned by a few on why I am too feminine for a feminist! I was appalled by the obliviousness of the viewpoint that many of my friends and family members had. I quickly realized that I had the same reservations on the notion of being a feminine feminist. This push and pull were nothing but internalized sexism.

What is internalized sexism?
Girls are mostly brought up to think about femininity a certain way. Too much is harmful but too little is detrimental. In some societies, very little femininity in a woman can lead to catastrophic personal lives. So, what is the right amount? The woman usually has to decide the right amount of femininity according to her circumstances, culture, the country she lives in, and the profession she picks. That seems like hard work to me. I have lived in multiple countries and it all makes sense that I was so confused as to how and to what ratio I must pick my femininity. I had probably unconsciously adjusted my ratio depending on my circumstance which led to internal sexism. I was guilty when my feminine side turned up at the workplace and equally remorseful when I didn’t show enough of my feminine side when I was with family and friends.

Why men and women equally condemn feminists who dress up?
A little bit of research suggested that women who dress up are considered to be victims of patriarchy and a follower of a man’s desire of how a woman should be. I was surprised that the idea that a woman could just get dressed for herself was not appreciated or welcomed. I also learned very quickly from my research how much the word feminism is hated. How some feminist women can be appalled by femininity in a feminist. Doesn’t that disregard the whole idea of feminism when feminism means global gender equality. It stands for the freedom of just being who you are without being judged and oppressed by another group of people. Then why do some feel the need to distance themselves from the bra-burning, man-hating movement at the mere mention of the word feminism?

This begs the question, isn’t Feminism contextual to many who oppose it?
True Feminism is the mere equality of both genders, recognizing the voice and the dynamics of both the genders and what each group brings to the table. I am still baffled by the question I have been asked by a few, “What does Feminism mean to you?” In my humble opinion, there is only one meaning to it and it is bizarre to have a different meaning to this word in this day and age. But thinking deeply about this issue made me realize that the word ‘Feminism’ is still very confusing to many as in the past. When the movement started, it meant all the power to women. Now, it is true that the origin of the movement was for power for women but looking at the zeitgeist of the time, we must realize that the movement was formed as a result of an imbalance in power to women. It was a necessity at the time to highlight the fact that women were not given equal opportunities that men had.

This made me realize that masculinity and femininity have nothing to do with Feminism. I have met many men and women equally who I admire who call themselves proud feminists. My love for my feminine side only adds to my personality who has embraced Feminism. But interrogating my feministic views due to my female attributes can make one a questionable Feminist!

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

Why does emotional intelligence matter?

When I tell people, I have a background in organizational psychology, they tell me “Oh so you are not a therapist, you don’t deal with people?” I then consider it my civic duty to remind them that organizations are made of people. It is the people that form an organization, its culture, values, communication pattern, and everything about it.

Emotional intelligence is a hot topic today and many organizations are embracing its importance. I have met a lot of people in the real and online world wanting to ‘increase’ their emotional intelligence. Before I say anything more, I would like to define emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of when you bring out your emotions and realize how your emotions affect others. A person with higher emotional intelligence in the overall score can recognize the feeling and perceptions of others that will help manage their emotions accordingly.

What is fascinating about emotional intelligence is that it can be modified unlike your IQ and don’t worry, increasing your EQ will not lower your IQ. Phew!

As a coach, I have stumbled upon this issue where people are good at their job and they get promoted to Directorial and VP level but fail to perform as effectively as a leader thereafter. This is when they are in the limelight of the CEOs and their employees. A person in this position can become vulnerable if their emotional intelligence is considerably low, even if their IQ is very high. If they have been using the left side of their brain, which is the logical and analytical side their whole life, then it is possible that the emotional intelligence score may be low and they are struggling in their job despite being promoted.

I have seen many articles online on how to increase your emotional intelligence. Whilst these are great resources, and there is nothing wrong per se with the information provided, it is difficult for a person who has none to little knowledge on EQ to act upon this information and be consistent. They will relapse to their old self because of a lack of self-awareness to modify their personality. Needless to say, increasing your composite scales of EQ may not always be a good idea. It all depends on your personality traits, what you do for a living, and numerous other factors that constitute you as a person. If the materials you read online and tests you take are not statistically valid and reliable without anyone to interpret your data, it may lead to confusion and sheer misperception.

Why should we care about our EQ?   

Let’s say Nancy (not real name) has a high IQ but barely waits for her turn to speak, outbursts her feelings and opinions instead of listening for clarity in the conversation. She has an urge to react instead of responding gently to a conflict. What is important for her is that her opinion is put out for people. This shows a lack of self-awareness on how she is behaving in a social setting and a severe blind spot in her self-awareness. People who converse with her may avoid her in meetings and other social settings. Some may praise her tremendously so she avoids conflict with them. Nancy’s lack of self-awareness may lead to her falling for these fake praises. But if we look at this scenario from Nancy’s perspective, she is unaware that she is doing anything wrong and may even wonder at times why people avoid her.

Nancy is not alone. Many white-collared professionals in their workplace setting may not understand how to lead a team or why their team members do not respect their leadership. Many of us have blind spots that we could fine-tune. Nancy’s is an example of low self-awareness. Others may have a low or very high flexibility that has affects their professional and personal life. I have spoken to many clients in the corporate setting who came to me not knowing how to respond to people’s comments or behavior. Waiting too long with issues at the workplace and your lack of enthusiasm to get professional help can lead to making things harder than it is or you just losing everything that you have worked hard for.

People hesitate to get help for various reasons. But not reaching out for help at the right time can have consequences on your leadership, team impact, and overall presence in the workplace. People who have a vision know when to invest in themselves wisely.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

 

How to be a good leader?

As a coach, I am asked the question “How to be a good leader?” far too many times. I wish there was a ‘one size fits all’ answer to this question. The reality is that leadership is not an entity one can grow into overnight. So, what is the best approach to developing leadership skills?

There is an old notion in most people’s minds that a leader is always authoritative, demanding, and imposing with a lot of charisma sprinkling around them. Self-esteem and self-confidence were rated highly in the past as a requirement of a true leader. The truth is that the latest research shows otherwise. The most desirable factor in a leader is humility. A good leader is relatable, approachable, and a good role model.

So, let us examine how humility leads to good leadership.

Humility weakens the inflated view of people about themselves that can diversely affect the judgment or a decision as a leader. Overconfidence and a ‘know it all’ demeanor may not affect the quality of leadership initially but as time passes, the leadership will be questioned. Failure to correct oneself or change the way they think and the inability to listen to others before making a decision are all signs of low humility. A higher level of humility among members can encourage group discussions and create a dynamic work environment, where ego and self-worth do not come in the way of decision-making.

How are humility, confidence, and good leadership related?

A confident leader considers the viewpoints and opinions of others on a project or an issue at the workplace. This kind of confidence requires humility on the part of the leader. A leader whose performance is high is curious and is engaged in what their employees have to say. Latest research show that a leader’s knowledge is not questioned if the leader asks questions while engaging with the employees. But on the other hand, if the leader creates an illusion of knowledge and technical skill, employees question their authenticity.

But how easy is it for employees to express themselves if the leaders ask for their opinion?

This is only possible if the leaders have created an environment of trust and a safe space. The employee will only like the spotlight if they feel valued and what they have to say matters to the leaders. If the attention they receive creates gigantic fear and embarrassment, they would rather remain quiet. A good leader realizes that it is important for the team to feel a sense of belonging and what they contribute to the team matters. The mindset of a good leader is very crucial. High-performance leaders will be happy to learn from their past mistakes and are also good problem solvers. A desire to learn from others and find solutions to problems through this knowledge is only possible if leaders practice humility in their lives.

Some of the leaders who we admire today or have admired in the past are usually high in their humility. They are happy to give their attention to others and learn things that they had no knowledge of. They listen and engage in conversations with an unbiased approach that leads to better decision-making.

If you would like to learn more about your strengths and cultivate your leadership skills or any particular skill that you feel you could improve on, it is best to reach out to a professional and make the best use of their expertise rather than suffer in silence. You have a better chance at success if you reach out for help and make changes rather than do nothing at all.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

 

 

How to deal with self-doubt and criticism?

“I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” — Maya Angelou

My posts are usually inspired by the coaching sessions I have with clients or moments in my life that compels me to stop, think, and analyze. Being a career and mindset coach, I have coached corporate employees, business owners, or leaders in their own right who are well educated and fairly successful in their field.

 But a few weeks back, I saw a pattern in my clients that made me halt and pause for a few seconds. Some of the things that my clients told me prompted this post.

 “What if people find out I am educated but have no clue what I am doing?”

 “I have a Ph.D. but really don’t think I have enough knowledge.”

 “I may look like I know stuff, but I really am not that confident.”

 “I am not as educated and I only have years of experience, that makes me feel vulnerable in front of my colleagues.”

 You can probably guess where I am going with this. Yes, it is imposter syndrome. If Albert Einstein, Maya Angelou, and the like can feel like a swindler because of their success and the recognition they received because of their success, then so can many of us. Imposter syndrome makes a person feel like a fraud even when they have proven to be high achievers. It worsens if the people around you induce it by questioning your work or knowledge. The moment of vulnerability can trigger more self-doubt and lead to a lack of confidence that can affect the way you behave in a work environment.

 A client of mine, let us call her Rose, a director-level employee with a Master’s degree in a corporate office, would feel petrified when she is questioned about her work or any project she is on, especially if her work is altered by her boss. She would think she is caught red-handed as a fraud. She would assume she is put on the spot because of her lack of knowledge and experience. Rose was relieved to know that this feeling has a name and that many feel the same way.

 The simple truth is we will never have a comprehensive knowledge of any discipline. We, humans, evolve, and learn. We must train our minds to learn and unlearn. It is also true that we are naturally good at some things. For me, it is consulting and coaching. I have always been contacted many times in my life, way before I have been a coach by my friends when they were feeling down or had a dilemma they needed to discuss.

I started my entrepreneurship with immense apprehension, even after my psychology training and coaching certification. It took me a while to realize that coaching comes naturally for me because I had it in me all the time. I undervalued my ‘gift’ initially. I am using minimal energy and effort to do this job because this is easier for me to execute. It goes back to the law of parsimony, also known as Occam’s razor, that states that the simplest form of explanation must be executed as opposed to a complex form.

 Subsequently, in my client Rose’s case, if her boss alters her work, isn’t it best to use the simplest explanation possible which could be that a change was needed to fit the project goals better unless otherwise mentioned by her boss?

 Could we not eliminate all other possibilities such as…

 -Rose has less knowledge

 -Rose lacks experience

 -Rose lacks confidence

 -Rose is a fraud and the list goes on…

 Now, it is important to note that avoiding an issue that is dwelling in our minds is not the best solution to our problems. If Rose still feels like an imposter, it is important that she addresses it. The first step is to admit what it is called and why. The second would be to accept that this happens to the best of us including CEOs and Presidents.

 Next, stop and think about your proficiencies, achievements, and how you have successfully overcome situations like these in the past.

 What strategies did you implement?

 Which of your strengths were used?

 It is a fact that we may come across imposter syndrome in the future but it is important to acknowledge it for what it is – a syndrome. If you wait to be perfect in your knowledge and skills, you may never start. We increase our knowledge, skills, and experience along the way in our journey of personal growth.

 It is completely normal to experience doubts. What is important is to navigate these doubts and train your mind to reflect a positive thought by focusing on your area of expertise. The imposter feeling may linger around or may come and go but it is important to not let it control your life. It is helpful to get help from an expert to help you dig into these feelings and discover where this is coming from.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. |https://hamnasiddique.com| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

What causes fear of success and how do you overcome it?

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” — Barack Obama

One of the many things that I learned from my clients since I started coaching is about the concept of fear for success. It all started with questions from my clients,

“What if my family sees what I am doing on social media?”

“What if my friends come to know about my business and judge me?”

“What if this actually takes off?”

“I don’t think I am ready for such a huge change in my life!”

The above questions are from some of my clients who in hindsight did not know they feared success. I have learned to listen with a different cognizance and understand where the client is coming from, not just what they were saying. The above questions do not exhibit fear of success itself but the consequence of success. The fear of how these clients will be perceived by their friends and family, the fear of not being on the same wavelength as their loved ones, maybe even the fear of losing some of these loved ones because of a change in their personality.

What causes fear of success?

Fear can come from many things including parental influences. It can be internalized due to lack of a parent in the household, due to a father being highly cynical of the child, an overcontrolling mother who likes to make every single decision for the child even into their adult lives can all be causes for not pursuing success and a growth mindset.

I have been obsessed with Freud’s psychoanalytic theory of personality which talks about the idea that we as humans hide away our unpleasant experience as a child that may masquerade into our adulthood as unpleasant thoughts and emotions. This may affect our ability to face others in the real world. Some may find it hard to attend fancy work dinners, some may find it difficult to approach and profess their love, some fear that others will find out about their lack of confidence.

Perfectionism is another cause of fear of success. A perfectionist is usually a high goal achiever. If a perfectionist feels the goal is not attainable, they would choose to avoid the goal rather than pursue it due to fear of failing. It is important for them to take small steps to achieve the goal to reduce the fear of failing.

Disbelievers are people who believe they do not fear anything or they do not need help. They are probably the most skeptical of the lot who are adamant about the idea that something is not possible and hence an idea should not be pursued. This group of people will benefit highly from coaching even though it is a rare occurrence that they accept the idea of coaching. They are usually pushed to coaching by their spouse or superior.

The steps in overcoming fear of success:

Change is not easy. Personal development sometimes comes at the price of losing your old friends who do not share your mindset and values. When people decide on a change in their life, they usually have to get out of their comfort zone into an extremely frightening and startling state of affairs. This is a time when they get affected by people’s opinions and thoughts. It is also important to understand that being a beginner at this newfound change, people may take advantage, which is why it is important to pick your players wisely. Over time, you will realize your desire for what matters and gravitate towards it. But what is important is to keep going even when the path seems bleak. When I started my journey as an entrepreneur, I had reservations and qualms about the success of my coaching practice. The one thing that kept me going was my immense passion for helping people through coaching, writing, and the knowledge I had acquired because of my passion through reading and research.

The learning zone succeeds the fear zone. This does not mean your fear completely disappears. The learning zone comes with new challenges and problems. Over time, you will realize that no matter how much skill and training you have acquired, the real-life challenges are unique to each individual and the solutions to these problems are also inimitable to those challenges our peers may have faced. It is imperative that you navigate your classroom training and learning to adapt to the real world. You will also learn that the journey towards success has its ups and downs and hence you may experience an emotional roller coaster ride.

The passion and love for your goal make the journey so much easier. Your goal is unique to you and hence only you can feel the immense fire inside you. It may be disappointing at times to feel that others in your life do not feel the same enlightenment. Once we have dominated this path through perseverance and grit, your life purpose is clearer and you find it easier to conquer the objectives that you set to achieve. You will have solid set goals and will be in pursuit of living your dream lives. Retraining your brain to be aware of your unconscious thoughts and feelings is not easy and one may need to get professional help to achieve this. Avoidance is a dangerous thing that can get in the way of your success if you have issues that need to be sorted out. Pretending that everything is fine and going on about your lives, may not be a good solution to your problems.

If you can resonate with any of the information said above, please do not suffer in silence with it. Please get help. If you feel you would like to learn more about yourself or improve your personal and professional life, please book an intro session with me. I look forward to helping with your personality development and get you the success you need in your personal and professional life.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. https://hamnasiddique.com/| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

 

Where can physicians go for help?

“In the two decades since starting at medical school, I have never heard the word ‘identity’ spoken. Grand rounds, the very heartbeat of medical learning, are not a place for philosophical musings or profound emotional questions. Diagnostic labels gathered there speak more to the patient and less to the person. We talk about loss of blood and loss of lung function but we do not contemplate the loss of person and the loss of self.”
― Jules Montague, Lost and Found: Memory, Identity and Who We Become When We’re No Longer Ourselves.

Being married to a physician, who is also a son of a physician; having helped him transition to private practice, and being around physicians as close friends for years, I have learned a lot about them. I understand the magnitude of stress and burnout they face in their professional and personal lives. Looking back through our lives, many of us will remember at least one moment when we experienced their healing touch.

But where do doctors go when they need emotional or professional support? After an exhaustive search on how and where physicians can get help, I was a little surprised as to how little resources there are for physicians struggling with stress, anxiety, and/or burnout. I realize that physicians often choose not to get help for their emotional problems or challenges with their personal and professional lives. Physician healing thyself seems to be a popular theme and self-help apparently, is truly the best help for these professionals. Despite having good healthcare insurance and the knowledge to access it, they often put their physical and emotional needs on the backburner, always prioritizing the needs of their patients and families above their own. I have many friends who are physicians who have barely done an annual physical. This precedence for patient well-being may even sabotage their emotional well-being.

There are several factors that make a physician aground in today’s world. An exhaustive need for comprehensive record-keeping and administrative work superimposed on ever-increasing numbers of patient encounters and procedures push the physician to the limits. HIPAA compliance and patient satisfaction are another significant causes of stress. In this digital age, the stress of a patient adversely reviewing their practice online can have substantial negative effects. All these factors may be discordant with their “why” of being a physician who took an oath to save lives and make a positive impact in the world. It is probably heart-breaking for some who feel they are being dragged into this morass of revenue generation and bureaucracy, overlooking the raison d’être of why they started this journey in the first place.

The notion that physicians must be the experts and the end-all leads to a self-sabotaging culture. Physicians are simply humans who can experience self-doubt, anxiety, depression, burnout, and may struggle to juggle their personal and professional lives. It is unreasonable to expect them to live a seamless, whole life without predicaments. The challenges of the American healthcare system have led to criticism of physicians and their integrity. They are not seen as protagonists as in years past, especially if the patients had an unpleasant experience with the healthcare system during their time of need or illness.

On many occasions during this pandemic, I have been contacted by physicians pouring their hearts out about their struggles. I have learned through research and networking with my peers that physicians are not a regular clientele for many. I am still perplexed as to the cause of this hesitation among physicians to get help and follow through with getting help. I have had senior physicians and surgeons as well as residents in training who are lacking motivation and having self-doubts about their choice of profession or struggling to cope with their demanding residency program requirements. Perceived lack of time is a common excuse although research clearly shows that this may not be the case.

How can I help physicians? I can help rekindle the fire you once had for your profession. If you are a resident, I understand how demanding the program usually is. I can help you critically analyze your needs and enhance your performance acquiring the skills to cope and exceed the demands of your program.

If you are an established attending physician, I can help you prioritize your management decision(s), optimize time management, and handling your emotional needs better. I can help create better relationships with your physician and non-physician colleagues. I can help improve your rapport with your technical staff, administration, and nurses to help function smoothly. We, as humans, have blind spots where we do not see our failings and flaws, but we know how dangerous blind spots can be and how they can affect our goal of reaching our destination. We must evolve as humans and being obstinate in your ways and conduct can be a hindrance to your development.

The first step towards your personal development is acceptance. Accepting the fact that everyone needs help at different points in life and that we do not have all the answers to all our problems. Accepting that we all have self-doubts, moments of fear, and sometimes, just simply bad days. Coaching is not as time-consuming as most people think. Even as little as two 45-minute sessions a month can bring amazing results on how you manage your stress and live a happier, more balanced life. My coaching sessions are tailor-made to fit professionals who are busy, and I offer flexible sessions to work around your schedules.

I would suggest all physicians to consider prioritizing their emotional and physical health and get back to your “why”.

I am happy to help. All you have to do is reach out and commit. As the saying goes, the graveyard is everyman’s resting place, isn’t it wise to live your life to the fullest before we rest, even if you are a physician?

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. https://hamnasiddique.com/| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

 

 

“I feel ashamed of my past” How to take control of shame from the past?

“The butterfly does not look back at the caterpillar in shame, just as you should not look back at your past in shame. Your past was part of your transformation.” –  Anthony Gucciardi

Shame from the past is a burden that some carry their whole lives. Shame is a sort of self-loathing that can affect self-confidence. Considered by many psychologists as a secondary emotion that is triggered by or in par with sadness and disgust, shame can be a hindrance to success or self -worth. People who sense this emotion feel they deserve to feel this way, which in a way, makes it a dangerous entity.

A few ways that shame from the past can affect people’s lives are:

  • People hide the cause of their shame from their friends and family. Sometimes, shame is so personal that even a significant other may not know the existence of the shame.
  • Hiding these feelings can be painful and embarrassing.
  • This can also lead to avoidance of the particular situation or task associated with shame.
  • Some even have physical symptoms associated with shame
  • The low self-esteem associated with shame can bring a person’s confidence down.

Since shame is so unique to each individual, each person experiences shame for various reasons. I have listed down a few reasons that I am aware of through my coaching training that people experience shame:

  • A person’s appearance sometimes is a huge factor that can cause shame. If someone was overweight/underweight in the past, it can contribute to shame sometimes even if the person is healthy now.
  • Mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety are still stigmatized in today’s society and people are secretive sometimes about their past visits to counselors or psychiatrists due to fear of being judged by friends and family.
  • Job and a low income are also a huge factor that causes shame for some.
  • Sexual orientation and sexual partner preference for some is another cause for apprehension and fear that can lead to hiding someone’s past.
  • Alcoholism and drug abuse can create a sense of extreme embarrassment.
  • Losing one’s spirituality in the hassle of life and work.

Some of the drawbacks of experiencing shame from the past that can affect success in personal and professional lives are:

  • Low self-esteem and confidence can lead to fear of standing up for yourself in front of your partner or in an office environment.
  • The guilt of hiding the trauma or pain in front of your loved ones.
  • Being defensive of your actions even when you know it is wrong.
  • A feeling of carrying this emotional baggage everywhere that can feel like a burden.

Here are a few ways you can help yourself by taking control of your shame from the past:

  • Identify the biggest shame from your past
  • Be aware of the physical and emotional symptoms you experience when you think about it.
  • Why is this a cause of shame in your life?
  • What actions can you pursue to turn this around into a life experience?
  • How can you convert it into a catalyst for a better future?
  • What can you tell yourself when this appears in your mind?
  • What actions can you take to block this thought?

If you can resonate with any of the information said above, please do not suffer in silence with it. Please get help. If you feel you would like to learn more about yourself or improve your personal and professional life, please book an intro session with me. I look forward to helping with your personality development and get you the success you need in your personal and professional life.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. https://hamnasiddique.com/| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

 

How to Overcome Fear and Lack of confidence

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more so that we may fear less.” –  Marie Curie

A client once told me that she has wasted her entire life because of a lack of confidence to do anything and now she regrets it. She would like to go back and change her life. Sadly, we, as humans do not possess a time machine to go back in time. Only if we did!

One half of me wants to go back and undo all the mistakes that I made. One half of me wants to embrace all the mistakes and call it my life experience, my memento, and rank myself as the ultimate expert of those mistakes. Owning these mistakes makes me less fearful of them. They give me the confidence to say “Yes, been there, done that”! Yes, I like this latter half of me that has embraced her mistakes. I have decided I won’t run from them anymore. Avoiding has not got me anywhere in life and it will not in the future. So, what can I do?

What we can do is change how we live our lives and create a better future for us. We do not have to live how we have always lived or how we have been told to live by the generations that lived before us. Each of us has various life experiences and what we gather and divulge from it is unique to us. If we did what every other person did, we lose out identity and become a mere copy of someone else. We are all born with unique strengths and assets that we must use to bring value to our own lives and that of others:

Although fear is a very natural entity, fear can arise from a lack of confidence. It is how we conquer this fear that makes us valiant as a person. Avoiding tasks due to fear can affect our lives adversely. If you have been a person avoiding risks due to fear, it is worthwhile taking small steps towards your goal. How we make our goals, and challenges are actuated by the confidence level we possess. Our confidence and self-efficacy are determined by various factors in our lives. If you feel your confidence is low and you practice risk aversion, it is a good idea to look at various factors that may be causing it.

  1. Genes and culture: yes, let us blame our parents! Studies show that our genetic makeup has a lot to do with the chemicals that boost our confidence in the brain. Confidence can be inherited from our parents but that is not to say we cannot change the way we think and feel and learn how to set goals. You may need some intervention but it is possible. Certain cultures also value certain behavior which can affect the confidence of an individual.
  2. Being a minority: Being a minority can affect your confidence, be it your gender, race, or even sexual orientation. Just like women worry about how they will be perceived in an office meeting setting, individuals from other minorities who have been discriminated against through institutional racism or otherwise can affect the level of confidence.
  3. Abuse and bullying: Abuse while growing up from parents or other individuals can make a difference to your confidence level. Childhood bullying can also lead to low confidence. Sometimes children are bullied for their looks, lack of knowledge in certain disciplines, etc.
  4. Mindset: Having certain thoughts in your head about your incompetency and inadequacy can lead to a lower level of confidence. If you feel your mind plays tricks on you and this may be affecting your life, it is imperative that you seek help.
  5. Social Media: As much as I love social media and use it to reach people to make an impact in people’s lives, it is also a huge contributor to low self-confidence. Some can feel a sense of lacking being on social media because of the glorified posts of others. People begin to believe in the glorified ‘perfect lives’ posted on social media by others and become unhappy about their own quailed life.

If you feel you would like to learn more about yourself or improve your personal and professional life, please book an intro session with me. I look forward to helping with your personality development and get you the success you need in your personal and professional life.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. https://hamnasiddique.com/| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

 

 

Finding Purpose in Life through Coaching

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Elanor Roosevelt could not have said it better. Dreams are what creates reality for some of us. My coaching and blogging career is an outcome of a dream that I dared to dream in spite of the fear of failure and disappointment.

The geniuses Einstein and Newton are said to have been daydreamers. They allowed their minds to wander in between their exploration. Studies show that taking adequate elaborate breaks and coming back to more complex tasks help in making the tasks easier. Allowing yourself to these much-needed breaks improved productivity by about 40%. Many leaders have come up with efficient ideas while engaging in other activities that are not directly linked to their work.

Needless to say, we are in the midst of a pandemic and in very trying times but we all have been given these wonderful lives that we must live. We could choose to live in fear and desperation or thrive in the lives that we have. Some of us who have been spinning in the same wheel of life could use this time to take a step back and simply dream about a life that we aspire to live.

These are a few ways we can find a purpose in life:

Prioritize: Taking a step back from the hustle of life will help us refocus on what our priorities are in life and pivot our lives accordingly. Explore the true meaning of your life. If today was the last day on Earth, what would be some of the most important things to you? Will it be your spirituality, your family, friends, education, or your career? Or is there something else that is burning inside of you?

Heal: Healing your old wound is important in moving forward to achieve a purpose in life. If you have old wounds that you have ignored, they need to be addressed. It is only a matter of time when an incident or a person can trigger this wound and pull you back from your success journey.

Surround yourself with cheerleaders: You may have a hundred friends but if they do not find happiness in your success and bring you down, they may be obstacles to your life purpose. It is important to ask yourself why are you friends with this person? Do they possess the ethics and values that you desire in a friend? If this intimidates you, do not worry, you will find your tribe during the course of finding your life purpose.

Helping people through your life purpose: A life purpose only has true meaning if and when people can benefit from you. What can you achieve in life? Does achieving this purpose create room for altruistic behavior? Does it create more meaning in your life?

Your secret power: What is your secret power? What do others see in you? It is something that makes you unique. My secret power, as I realized a few years back has been keeping others’ secrets. People have come to me even before I was a coach with their issues and pain. I have used this secret power to build my career.

Mindset Magic: If you follow my blog, you will know that I use these two words regularly. If you are not self-aware of what you are trying to achieve and do not possess the right mindset to achieve it due to various blocks that you may have in your lives, it is important to work on your mindset.

If you feel you would like to learn more about yourself or be more aware of your feelings to find your purpose in life, please book an intro session with me. I look forward to helping with your personality development and get you the success you need in your personal and professional life.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. https://hamnasiddique.com/| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|

 

How to Overcome Fear and Resistance to Change

“Change is never painful. Only the resistance to change is painful.” – The Buddha.

Resistance to change is an issue that we face as humans on an individual level and at an organizational level. Resistance to change can be seen in the form of procrastination, hostility, frustration, and can affect our success in the long run. We, as humans also make a number of excuses for our resistance such as “this is how I have always been” or “I like it that way” or even “my family has always done it this way”. Here are a few reasons why people show resistance to change and how you can navigate your way around resistance to change:

Lack of awareness: If you are unaware of the need for change, and has created a norm or a particular way of doing things, it is likely that you will resist change. Hence, it is important that people are self – aware of their personality and their behavior patterns.

Uncertainty: Uncertainty is a huge cause of resistance to change as people are afraid of the unknown factor in the future. People may hesitate to make a change in their lives if they fear the unknown. Change is only made in lives when we are forced or if continuing to live the same way seems impossible or a threat to us. It is wise to do your research if you fear the unknown and would like to make a change in your life.

Lack of skill and knowledge: Sometimes lack of skill, knowledge and experience can create fear in the minds of individuals who are resistant to change. This is a genuine fear and, in such cases, it is best to get the help of an expert.

Belief system: Some believe the way they do things is the best and right way to do. Even if things are not going right, unless there is an intervention, they may not change what they believe in. Again, only a professional can give an insight into the belief system and manifest a change, if needed.

Routines: We love our routines and would not like anything that disrupts it. It takes a lot of effort to change these routines but with a little motivation and endurance, it is possible.

If you feel you would like to learn more about yourself or be more aware of your feelings to improve your personal and professional life, please book an intro session with me. I look forward to helping with your personality development and get you the success you need in your personal and professional life.

Hamna Siddique is a career and leadership coach focusing on confidence and personal development.

Email: hamnasiddique@goldbridge.llc. https://hamnasiddique.com/| ©2020 Goldbridge Coaching LLC |All Rights Reserved|